The Mind of the Beanie

hibeanie @ 2009-11-05T18:43:00

2009-11-06T02:59:38Z

Yes, I am still ALIVE.

I just been busy (understatement).

My birthday was bittersweet. I really wanted to do something awesome, but I had to work and it was on a Sunday, so it meant that I couldn't get completely obliterated. Figures. Another monument birthday and I'm either knocked up, busy or on a sunday. grrrr...
Sweet, because I had fun at Red Robin with great friends and the kids behaved. Bitter because my mom taped the lamest birthday card ever to my mail box. Generic and lame. still a thorn in my side of frustration and still haven't spoken.

I talked to my brother briefly regarding my Dad's mini stroke, and didn't get a call back when i left a message regarding his test results. Is he mad at me, too, because I'm done playing into the drama. My family, who lives five minutes away (seriously) can't get their heads out of their asses and figure out how to act like a family. Or is this how family acts, alienation and misery? My Dad and (other) siblings aren't like that (my Dad's siblings and mom are). Disappointing.

The kids are doing really well in preschool, now that they're healthy. We were all sick during the month of October, it sucked! But I lost 10% body fat and gained 5% muscle in that month and only went to the gym 5 times! Not bad for nothing, really.

My trainer is still awesome, changed my routine and now I'm surprising myself that I could do the things he's telling me to do.

Same old drama with my mom's group with the exception that I DONT CARE! A friend of mine made a real good point in that I could allow it to bother me for the next few years (being on the board with them and seeing them at the preschool) or I could think that next year, when the ones that bother me are GONE, they'll drift completely out of my life anyway and I wont have to even think about them. Good Point! Done!

I'm doing the fundraising at the preschool and I am getting the title of "AWESOME"! Everyone is having fun with everything that me and my co-chair are coming up with, it's been great. We had a camp out and had 17 camping families. We made some dough. Never good enough for some, but it went so well that we're doing it again in the spring.

Anything else, oh! Beans is doing awesome now that the holidays have hit. Pictures to come, you'll see. I've been having a blast, We had a BBQ celebration (which is why i missed going to disneyland/vegas with darknakane) that went well, getting me booked with 4 brand new clients and more bookings with current clients. It was awesome! Although, I would've like to see darknakanechan with her pudding!

Everything on the homefront is good and now, I'm going to get back to work. My fundraising co-chair is coming over tonight and we're planning our holiday social event. It's going to be neat! hee hee! yeah, neat!

hibeanie @ 2009-11-05T18:09:00

2009-11-06T02:10:19Z

hopefully this works. Not sure if any of ya'll have ever heard of this song, but this is just absolutely hilarious.

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross airs Fridays at 9/8c on BBC America

http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/377/index.jsp

hibeanie @ 2009-09-27T09:49:00

2009-09-27T16:51:03Z

I love this! It's just AWESOME!

HAHA!

hibeanie @ 2009-09-27T09:37:00

2009-09-27T16:40:34Z

I got this from a friend, thought I would share...

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything..
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do..
35. Don't audit life... Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38.. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

hibeanie @ 2009-09-11T13:07:00

2009-09-11T20:08:28Z

A friend of mine sent this to me...

The ' L I T T L E ' Things~

As you might remember, the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.

One of them missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's Car wouldn't start.

One couldn't get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work
But before he got there, he developed
a blister on his foot..
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today..

Now when I am stuck in traffic,miss an elevator,
turn back to answer a ringing telephone ...

All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself, this is exactly where
God wants me to be, at this very moment..

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong,
The children are slow getting dressed,
You can't seem to find the car keys,
You hit every traffic light,
Don't get mad or frustrated;
It May be just that
God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you
With all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose.

God's Love Is Not Dependent On E-Mail!!
(that's the cool part)

A M E N

hibeanie @ 2009-09-11T12:21:00

2009-09-11T19:23:37Z

hmmm...your thoughts?

I'm still thinking...

hibeanie @ 2009-09-01T07:19:00

2009-09-01T14:23:39Z

Today, Bigdom and me have been married 11 years.

Today is going to be a good day.

hibeanie @ 2009-08-31T22:17:00

2009-09-01T05:20:13Z

I didn't get a call today from my step mom, which I'm hoping means good news and I'll hear from her in a day or two. I'm sure the results aren't instant, but hopefully this time no news means good news.

hibeanie @ 2009-08-29T23:51:00

2009-08-30T21:27:53Z

So, I woke up this morning feeling really tired and then during my shower I got this brilliant idea of starting a project that Bigdom and I never seem to have time to do.

The Project:
to move everything in the house (living areas at least) into the back yard, shampoo carpets, paint the walls.

Well, I'm not dragging everything out, if for no other reason then having this project LOOMING in the air and I don't have any paint and I didn't want to spend the day shampooing carpets. Anyway, Bigdom's always at work so I got started. Rearranged the furniture around, from one room to another, dusted, cleared out the junk (most of it anyway), dusted and vacuumed. The bedrooms were great and nearly spotless.

I moved on to lunch and began brainstorming how I wanted to place the living room and then I got a call. A call on my cell phone from my stepmother, which is never good, and on the weekend.

The call:

My dad had a mini stroke. He went to the hospital, got some tests done (including a ct scan) and the doctor confirmed, mini stroke. The only problem was that they couldn't find where the blockage was so they'll be doing the dye test on Monday. I did talk to him and he said that other than what happened a couple days ago, you wouldn't have any clue that anything was wrong. He felt fine and grouchy and crotchity as ever.

I did my best to keep it together, but I did let it slip here and there, mostly during the conversation with my stepmom. She had been drinking and kept repeating herself, including informing that she was buzzy. I love her so much, I can't imagine what she's going through with all of this. So, I was glad to hear that they had gone up to Big Bear, one of Dad's favorite places to spend the day and have a picnic lunch.

So, after all that, I pulled it together and called my brother and kept calling all afternoon. Apparently, he wasn't answering his cell phone or the house phone and my mom wasn't answering her phone either. And this surprises me? I think there's something wrong me to think that ANY experience would be a good thing between the three of us.

I finally got a hold of him about 5 hours later. I explained by starting that Dad was fine, but he...and the story. He didn't say anything and when I was done, he said "bye". That was it! Surprised, I said "what?" and he said that he was going to back to bed and "bye". I said that I would call him on Monday when I hear any news about the dye test and that was it.

Later, when I talked to a friend of mine, she explained that it was probably just a guy thing and that's typically how they react with this kind of news. I hope so. I hadn't talked to him since Christmas and this was our first conversation. I suppose my expectations of having a positive, close relationship with my brother is apparently too much for the gods to give.

I'm not ready for any of this. He's too young, grouchy and crotchity. He's my dad.

Don't you dare take him, God, don't you dare!

The rest of the day:

Nakane friend spent the afternoon with me. I didn't want to be alone. She brought me comfort food nachos and I PIGGED out! Of course, afterward, I felt like throwing it all up, but I managed to stay calm and keep myself somewhat distracted with my nakane friend sister. Later after thinking about the day, I didn't even stop to think about Nakane friend was handling all of this.

So, Mystie friend, I'm sorry, BIG HUGS. Thanks for yesterday. And I'm sorry for not being more supportive to you. Papi loves you, you're my sister, his daughter, you're family and I love you.

I watched "Grease" and went to bed. I tossed and turned all night. I felt like I shouldn't be here and that I should be there with my Dad. Weird. But I know I would just be in the way. this week is (conveniently) his vacation and I don't want to be in the way. Not that I would be, I know, but I don't want to add any potential chaos to the chaos that already engolfs that house with the children that never leave.

We'll see after the news on Monday. I might just be taking a road trip...I miss my Dad.

hibeanie @ 2009-08-27T07:19:00

2009-08-27T14:21:01Z

Listening to the radio this morning and there was a discussion about the hatred of the "M" word. And she must've said this word a hundred times in the span of two minutes. I cringed my way out of the room. Hate that word and see, I am not the only ONE!!!

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2221467350

...just wanted you to know...

hibeanie @ 2009-08-25T16:43:00

2009-08-25T23:49:27Z

OMG! I am so hungry, I can't keep still. I want to eat everything, everywhere. It doesn't help that I've gotta feed the kids stuff, starving like I am. I've had about 4 cans of chicken broth so far today, at times I think fasting would be easier, and then I've gotta get the kids a snack or something. This is driving me a lot more crazy than I thought it would be.

So, to kill the active imagination of Adelberto's, mexican food and indian food, I've cleaned my house, RAN and JUMPed with my kids, rolled across the roll chasing them. I'm exhausted. And I can't have any coffee, damn it! I'm HUNGRY!

I know, I know, make it through to tomorrow and I am going to treat myself to a restaurant somewhere. Everything sounds good, I haven't made up my mind up yet. In & Out, indian food, HELL! I'm so hungry, I'm willing to drive down to my Dad's for Tommy Burgers.

...mmm...Tommy's...off to jump around again and more broth...

hibeanie @ 2009-08-22T20:19:00

2009-08-25T19:22:13Z

And Bigdom's mom stopped by...the pictures turned out awesome!
I have no idea why she was so worried...

hibeanie @ 2009-08-22T20:14:00

2009-08-25T19:18:35Z

Beans was a great success! I think these are the best kid pictures I've taken in a long time.

hibeanie @ 2009-08-25T12:09:00

2009-08-25T19:14:18Z

I haven't really had much to say, lately. I've been on facebook mostly, trying to keep up with friends. It's a great place to not really share you thoughts and feelings, just nose in on what other people are doing.

Today, I'm back on my broth diet so I can take some tests tomorrow. Yay, fun! At least nakane friend is coming with me. Bigdom will be at home with the kids. So, other than that, I don't have much to say.

I'm glad some stresses that my friends and family are having are looking more on the brighter side of things. I hate feeling helpless to help or make the situation better.

Maybe I'll call my dad today. Getting a family update usually makes me feel chippy.

hibeanie @ 2009-08-14T10:50:00

2009-08-14T17:54:04Z

I can't stop watching this video! It's like a train wreck that never wrecks! Unbelievable!

Oh, and this is for my Bob!

hibeanie @ 2009-08-11T17:43:00

2009-08-14T00:50:43Z

Well, whaddya know...DM cancelled their SF show...David got put a mandatory 2-day voice rest, which canclled it. They've had a lot of problems with keeping their concert dates this year, I'm a little surprised. Now, I'm a little glad that I wasn't able to go because getting my hopes up looking forward to the event would've been really disappointing and frustrating to learn the day before that I wasn't going to see my Martin afterall.

Get well soon, David! I love my Martin and I want to see him again someday!

hibeanie @ 2009-08-09T22:29:00

2009-08-10T05:33:24Z

Clunkers? Maybe when you get it fixed up, here's two places on Madison...

hibeanie @ 2009-08-09T19:51:00

2009-08-10T03:05:28Z

What is the world coming to? Is this really the new fad?

Schizophrenia
- is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a mental disorder characterized by abnormalities in the perception or expression of reality. Distortions in perception may affect all five senses, including sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch, but most commonly manifest as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking with significant social or occupational dysfunction. Onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood. Diagnosis is based on the patient's self-reported experiences and observed behavior. The disorder is thought to mainly affect cognition, but it also usually contributes to chronic problems with behavior and emotion. People with schizophrenia are likely to have additional (comorbid) conditions, including major depression and anxiety disorders; the lifetime occurrence of substance abuse is around 40%. Social problems, such as long-term unemployment, poverty and homelessness, are common. Furthermore, the average life expectancy of people with the disorder is 10 to 12 years less than those without, due to increased physical health problems and a higher suicide rate.

Multiple Personality
- Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a condition in which a single person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities (known as alter egos or alters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities routinely take control of the individual's behavior with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness; in addition, symptoms cannot be due to drug use or medical condition. DID diagnoses initially appeared to be almost entirely confined to the North American continent, but later surveys found cases on other continents but at significantly lower rates.

Multiple Personality (DID): A Controversial Diagnosis

Consider what two major editors of the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-IV say about MPD (also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID):

- "A good rule of thumb is that any condition that has become a favorite with Hollywood, Oprah, and checkout-counter newspapers and magazines stands a great chance of being wildly overdiagnosed".
- "Many therapists feel that the popularity of Dissociative Identity Disorder represents a kind of social contagion. It is not so much that there are suddenly lots of people with lots of personalities as there are lots of people and lots of therapists who are very suggestible and willing to climb onto the bandwagon of this new fad diagnosis".
- "[W]e are worried that the current overdiagnosis of multiple personality is an illusory fad that leads to misdiagnosis and mistreatment and does a disservice to the vast majority of patients who fall under its sway".
- "For any of you who suspect that you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, or are now in treatment for it, our suggestion is to focus your energies on the here-and-now problems in your everyday life. We would recommend avoiding any treatment that seeks to discover new personalities or to uncover past traumas".
- "If you are wondering whether you qualify for this diagnosis it is a very good bet that you almost surely do not".

More then I wanted to say, but those o fyou who understand me, you'll understand why this leaves me scratching my head...(rolling eyes)

hibeanie @ 2009-08-06T22:56:00

2009-08-07T15:01:52Z

Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois.

Dear Mr. Vernon,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us...

In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions.

But what we found out is that each one of us
is a brain...
and an athlete...
and a basket case...
a princess...
and a criminal...

Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,

The Breakfast Club.

hibeanie @ 2009-07-29T08:29:00

2009-07-29T15:39:54Z

Okay, I believe I am officially sick, WTH! I woke up yesterday with a sore throat, one of those where it's uncomfortable to swallow. I figured it was because it was so hot that night that I left the air conditioner on. I know the ducts are dusty so I figured it just screwed with my sinuses.

So, we all went to the lake yesterday and I got crispied, Nakanechan called us "lobsters". We were all crisp, the kids not so much, but enough to make me feel bad that I was a bad mama and didn't keep enough sunscreen on them. After taking a shower, I was FREEZING, I couldn't understand it. I put thermal pajamas and slipper socks and had my fleece blanket just to help me stop shivering. When my fingertips went numb and my toes, I called the nurseline. They said to try to bring my temp down, which I did and about 2 hours later, my temp was 102 from 104.

Well, anyway, I was up every hour last night, either in pain from my throat, sweating from the fever I had or walking around trying to get the feeling back in my fingertips. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep, last night sucked. I took 4 advil around 4 and was able to sleep until 7 when Bob woke me up.

My throat hurts more than ever, not to cough or anything like that, just to swallow. So, the cough drops and throat spray (which I hate with a vengeance-blah) didn't work, I'm off to make me some tea and honey and see how that works.

Mystie friend brought me hot and sour soup which tasted good and made me feel better, sweating a little, which I was praying would break the fever, but it came back around midnight.

I do have a doctor's appointment this morning, so hopefully they have some relatively good news for me.

hibeanie @ 2009-07-28T16:43:00

2009-07-28T23:46:17Z

Just got back from the lake and it was so much fun. Yes, Beanie went into the water.
I went into the water where you couldn't touch the floor.
I went into the water where you couldn't touch the floor and touched the buoy.
Don't get me wrong, I was nervous. And when Punkin wanted to go back and touch the buoy, a friend helped her do it, cause I was a chicken.
I get bravery points today. At least half a one...

hibeanie @ 2009-07-27T20:52:00

2009-07-28T04:15:05Z

I am a very tired Bean. Just waiting for bedtime to come around so the munchkins can go to bed and I can go to sleep. Oh yeah, and wait for Bigdom's call from Kansas City. I missed my deadline on that wedding event and I'm going to be a week late getting their portrait packages together because my "editing expert" is out of state. I'm frustrated. I've never been late providing the product and now I'm late and people all over the country will soon be frustrated with me, hence the sweet woman on the east coast who sounded less then enthused when I told her about the delay. I'm a little irritated. Bigdom better figure out a way to remote in and "edit".

Bigdom and Bob were at the drag races all weekend and Punkin and I stayed home adn ready books ALL day Saturday and slept in and lounged around on Sunday, dressing up and painting our nails. It was fun. And today, Bigdom flew away, very crazy hectic inconvenient week.

Oh yeah, and Bigdom set the microwave on fire...

(shrugs) what next...

hibeanie @ 2009-07-24T17:10:00

2009-07-25T00:12:23Z

A friend posted this on her facebook page and my response???

OMG...OMG...OMG...OMG...I don't know what's worse, "that's where fruits and vegetables come from"????...or the guy behind her that barely moves and who the hell clapped at the end?!!?

hibeanie @ 2009-07-20T15:04:00

2009-07-20T22:15:06Z

Okay, watching the pilot to some new show "10 Things I Hate About You" and so far I'm not impressed. The head cheerleader has been nicknamed "Voldemort". Of course, they're taking the entire script from the movie and it has the same dad from the movie.

I like the movie and this series, so far is probly going to ruin it for me.

Although, the bad boy has a really nice deep voice...we'll see.

...

and then again, Long Duk Dong is the Korean dictator, wth?

hibeanie @ 2009-07-19T21:48:00

2009-07-20T18:57:34Z

We missed breakfast with some friends because we were so tired, but they agreed to reschedule for dinner. Yay!

I spent most of the day researching vendors for my photography equipment and buying bulbs that normally cost me $40 a piece. And then getting together more notes for the fundraising stuff at the kids school. My partner in the job came by around 3 and we accomplished most of the decisions for the BIG fundraiser that we’ll be doing.

Sherry had stopped by to pick up the CD of all of her pictures and then she asked to borrow the camera again to take pictures of her kids, because with all the wedding stuff and racing off to play in the lake, she never got a chance to take pictures of the kids in their perty clothes. Oh well. I guess I'll just give up on her hiring me for her kids.

Jason and Heathar came by for dinner. We had tri tip and pasta salad. We haven’t had pasta salad in years and it’s just as good as I remember it, even though there were a couple things missing. And we got girl scout blizzards and came home to enjoy in the AC.

Bob had been playing with a nerf gun all day, so BigDom found a box of nerf gun stuff (that a friend had given him) and OMG, it was like Christmas. We were all into the box, playing with the guns, shooting things with the laser guide scopes. It was just like Christmas.
And off to bed, we went.